Sun, 29 May 2022
I was over AND under-eater.
I noticed odd behavior as a child picking my friends by their snacks.
I only thought about what the food did for me, not what it was doing to me.
I was different Bobs with different people as any good people pleaser. No clue who I really was.
After a health scare I learned how to eat but could not do it. I heard of OA but it took 3 years to hit my bottom.
In program I dieted successfully until one fateful binge night brought the reality of my disease and my need for a sponsor and the steps to the forefront.
A food plan helped me resist the thoughts of 'I need more' 'I am full I should stop', Just stuck to my food plan.
It feels like my service work helps me more than the service I provide helps others.
Sun, 22 May 2022
Entered high school at 350, left over 500.
First OA meeting was not my people, That was not MY problem.
I lost 200 lbs by restricting and self will. That led to my relapse
Upon reentry into OA I still struggled with the steps. Finally had a spiritual experience when I committed to going to my Father's wife's funeral.
I still harbor the thought "I will never be satisfied' Today it is not as loud and I have tools to work towards an alternative.
Sun, 15 May 2022
* * There are some gaps in the first few minutes of the recording. * *
My first time in I became Miss OA without doing any of the work.
My resentments with my father prevented from embracing a higher power. So I left
During my relapse I had Gastric Bypass AND started putting on weight. Back to OA. This time with a Higher Power.
Meetings (4 a week), Big Book, I have a sponsor, do the steps and I do service. That is my program today.
Every day I am the best person I can be. Physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally.
Sun, 8 May 2022
* * Missing 4 minutes of recording @ 3 minute mark. * *
When I lost my abstinence I gained the weight.
No amount of food could fill the hole in the center of my being.
Sun, 1 May 2022
My biographical timeline is marked by food.
I was a secret eater until I got found out.
Pay and weigh worked dramatically for the weight but not for the 'me'
I left the dynamics I grew up with when I went to college, But I took me with me. Back to secrets.
College went from 175 to 0ver 300. Now to work.
3 Continuous fears. Not getting what I want, Loosing what I have, or Being found out.
As my fears got bigger, my world got smaller and I was 525 lbs.
It was a year after I asked God for help before I got into the program.