Sun, 28 July 2024
In program almost 40 years. Both parents into their own addictions. I could manage my food, it wasn't that bad . . . until it was that bad. 7-11 Was my downfall as i promised to start over every day. I was leading a double life as psychotherapist and food addict. In the beginning (first 10 years) I made the group my Higher Power. so I left the program because I wanted to have a normal life. Back after 3 years. Came back and ended up weighing and measuring for the next 10 years. Knew it well enough that I left the program. Next time was a big book study. Finally got that my spiritual problem manifested with my food. Today I have food neutrality. I am still peeling the onion. It just never stops but today I appreciate it. |
Sun, 21 July 2024
I started early 3 or less. There were no boundaries and no safety. I just wanted to be loved but food gave me that feeling. I was a 'chubby' kid and felt shamed even at the doctor's office. I was 6 with my first diet. It became a way of life proving my unworthyness. Food became the cause and the solution of my shame. My dad dies when I was 16. He was the only one who i felt loved me unconditionally. Now I was alone and leaned into the food like never before. 16 - 49 in my disease. Married kids and food. My last nine months was a sneaky brutal binge threatening every I thought was important. I finally acknowledged I had a God sized problem I could not handle alone I realized a food plan is an act of self love while a diet would be an act of self hate. The gift of desperation kicked my recovery into gear. Moving me into the steps for real. Staying in the present where it is always Now O'Clock is critical.
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Sun, 14 July 2024
Started with sweetened and condensed milk and our family was a member of the 'clean plate club' When I left home at 17 it was Game on! I was not connected to my body and always shocked when I saw a reflection. When my husband left I stopped drinking but food took over. At 60 I went to my AA sponsor about my weight and they suggested OA in 2012 (287 lbs) I got a food plan from a nutritionist. I would get a little time. one bite - - then more again. Finally got solid abstinence Oct 2020. dealt with all the feelings I had suppressed mostly about me. Today i know the phrase 'Not My Food' and use it. |
Sun, 7 July 2024
Feb 11, 2020 398 lbs I was still not ready to 'surrender' I fell and needed fire department to get me up. Then I was ready. I have maintained a 185 lb weight loss. Spirituality - Humbug. It was about the weight in the beginning. I worked the steps and learned about me. One step at a time. I ended with a very strict food plan but could do it for one day . . .at a time. I made it back to the top of the Bariatric surgery list but HP said "do Nothing". By the time came to sign on the dotted line they said I had already lost what they would anticipate from the surgery. Even when I couldn't show up for myself I showed up for service. My HP shows himself to me daily as I work with others. |
Sun, 30 June 2024
Condensing 43 years into a 20 minute talk I was eating anything I could as long as I can remember. Rather than a defect my eating was a defense. I took massive amount of diets pills. and YoYoed on the heavy side of the Yo. I married and got pregnant. the doctor said my my weight could harm the child. I did not care. Gave birth at 300. In 1981, at 329, I planned to eat until died . 6 Months later I went to OA. 6 months later I got a sponsor. I was dilegant n my food plan, got down to 115 and still my life was not perfect. Relapsed, plus 65 lbs, and finally back- against my will into OA in 1997 Today My life is OA and OA is my life. I do service, outreach, sponsor, read literature and immerse myself in the lore of OA. Any appropriate social skills I have today I learned in OA. |